Our pug, Tyson, has had quite a bit said about him in this blogger's pages. Last week, I tried even to make a shidduch between him and Lizzie, some beautiful bitch on the STACEY'S SHMATA blog page. She's an older canine, a much-taller canine, and she's probably already gone through the dog-o-paws stage, so I can't really see puppies in Tyson's future...at least not with Lizzie.
But who'd want Tyson anyhow? He snores...big-time. He snorts like a pig...big-time. He passes wind...big-time. For a small guy, he's got a paunch belly...big-time. He wants to eat...all the time. And when he's not eating, not passing wind, he's sleeping and snoring the day away.
Every now and again -- today was again -- he tries to clear his sinuses. It's sort of worse than his snoring. Can you imagine an old man who unfortunately forgot some of his manners, and he's continually trying to clear his throat of phlegm? Well, that's Tyson...old boy. Maybe he thinks he's human, and at the shvitz at a health club with a dozen retirees, shooting the breeze -- literally and figuratively -- and trying to clear, like them, his nasal/throat passages.
I never did mention before that Tyson is a convert -- he went from being Roman Catholic Italian, to Modern Orthodox Jewish. No, we didn't take him to the mikvah for conversion purposes, but we did stick him in the laundry tub two years ago when he was adopted by us, and douse him with water -- we dunked him three times, but couldn't figure out which bracha to say, so we just declared: "Today you are a Jew...mazel tov."
He turned eight last week -- we hope he makes it to thirteen -- I've envisioned having a bark-mitzvah for him. Not sure what kind of d'var Torah he'd give, but everyone would wish a mazel tov and say "Canine hora! Canine hora!"
So if anyone out there has a dog they'd like to breed with a pig -- oops, I mean a pug -- contact me. Maybe we can make a shidduch.... It'd be nice to post a simcha sooner than later on www.frumster.com or www.onlysimchas.com!