Saturday, December 10, 2005

A Blogger's Wisdom (not mine!)

Blogroll Me!

I heard from a fellow blogger the other day and she said something most eloquent. She is a writer as well as a blogger and had this to say:

"I've done a little copy editing here and there and really loved it, but I keep coming back to writing. I'm obsessed. It's like copy editing is the Nice Jewish Boy who'll treat me right and provide me with a respectable living, while writing is the hot, Latin lover who seduces me and then callously leaves me penniless. Sigh."

I loved her analogy. I also loved the reason she gave for why she started a personal blog:

"I started my personal blog because I couldn't afford therapy."

If you stop and think about your personal reasons for starting a blog, it might stem from that same reason, but might not have been a conscious thought in your decision. When you're telling us about aspects of your life, you are looking for the equivalent of listeners, or perhaps people who might give you confirmation that you seek, based on your words.

It's almost my first year blogiversary (next week, I'll have something posted on that), and as I review many of my posts, especially of the past six months, I've seen a pattern develop. In many ways it's not the best pattern, but I see it reflects me and an aspect of my personality that has been evident for years.

I have a tendency to reveal my weaknesses, my vices, the negative aspects of Pearl. But upon examining and suddenly being aware of the posts that reflect this, I realize that I do this for a reason. It's as if I'm hanging out a banner from my window saying, "THIS IS WHAT I'M ALL ABOUT. TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT." I seem to reveal myself, so that nobody can come back later and point out those bad qualities; it's a way of saying, "I told you upfront, so you cannot complain later."

Hey, I just revealed this great aspect of myself, didn't I? There I go again...

If that blogger uses her blog as a tool for therapy, I guess it's not a far cry to figure that my blog is used in a similar way. Whether I'm ranting, questioning, doing creative writing or the like.

This past week, in a correspondence with a long-distance friend, I was talking about poetry and how to set up a poem on a page, ie. whether each line should start with a capital letter or not. I quickly wrote a poem as an example:

She wandered in and out
of the rooms.
Seeking not what she knew,
but what she didn't.

She was lost.
It was dark.

Time to give up
the good fight.

The friend was rather amazed that I made up that poem on the spur of the moment...and her comment made me examine the words more closely. I realized that my subconscious must have been talking as I typed the words -- "the rooms" refers to different blogs I visit. I'm "lost" when I visit political blogs. But I'm not quite sure what "the good fight" refers to -- perhaps commenting on other blogs?

Whatever the poem means, it seemed to speak to me, just as blogging does. Blogging speaks to me; I speak to you. That's what a good therapist/patient relationship is all about. And yes, blogging by the hour is definitely cheaper than psychotherapy by the hour!


cruisin-mom said...

Pearl...I really LOVE that poem...It is very visual...evokes alot of feeling...PUBLISH IT!!!!!!!!

torontopearl said...

Randi, if -- or preferably *when* -- I publish an anthology of my poetry, I'll be sure to send you a personalized copy: To Randi: Just because... (she liked one of my spur-of-the-moment poems!)

sorta annonymous said...

How timely Pearl. Right before I read this, I was just thinking to myself that I am no longer going to have my blog open to the public(not like there is a whole lot of people visiting anyway,) because I want a place that I can be really free with my thoughts. Since I often visit and comment on other people's blog, I feel like I am known even though not one has ever met me in person. I started writing my blog because I am always full of thoughts and ideas, and I found that it was fun to contribute to other people's ideas, why not see what happens when I write down mine. I also decided to start mine as a form of confrontational therapy. I have always been very self conscious about my writing skills to the point of being paralyzed. I would do whatever I could to avoid writing on the job and when job searching, I would always avoid any jobs with a requirement for writing (which it almost any job I would have been interested in.)By stepping out of my shell and exposing my self and my biggest fear, it has somewhat help me, but I am still too uncomfortable with it, especially when so many of the bloggers I read are wonderful and creative writers. I am basically an outgoing person, except when I go to a party. There, I am a wall flower, slinking back from making conversation. I feel the same way with my own blog. It's a love/hate relationship. I love to read others and comment. I want them to come to my blog, read and comment, but then I get so embarrassed by my lack of skills and quality of writing, I wish they hadn't visited and I had stayed annonymous.