Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Zen Judaism


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Zen Judaism:The Jewish Approach to Zen

If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

Be here now.
Be someplace else later.
Is that so complicated?

Drink tea and nourish life.
With the first sip... joy.
With the second... satisfaction.
With the third, peace.
With the fourth, a danish.

Wherever you go, there you are.
Your luggage is another story.

Accept misfortune as a blessing.
Do not wish for perfect health or a life without problems.
What would you talk about?

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single "oy."

There is no escaping karma.

In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?

Zen is not easy.
It takes effort to attain nothingness.
And then what do you have?
Bupkes.

The Tao does not speak.
The Tao does not blame.
The Tao does not take sides.
The Tao has no expectations.
The Tao demands nothing of others.
The Tao is not Jewish.

Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.

Let your mind be as a floating cloud.
Let your stillness be as the wooded glen.
And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with such rounded shoulders.

Be patient and achieve all things.
Be impatient and achieve all things faster.

To Find the Buddha, look within.
Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers.
Each flower blossoms ten thousand times.
Each blossom has ten thousand petals.
You might want to see a specialist.

To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcycle maintenance, do the following: get rid of the motorcycle.
What were you thinking?

Be aware of your body.
Be aware of your perceptions.
Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.

The Torah says," Love thy neighbor as thyself."
The Buddha says there is no "self."
So, maybe you are off the hook.

The Buddha taught that one should practice lovingkindness to all sentient beings.
Still, would it kill you to find a nice sentient being who happens to be Jewish?

Though only your skin, sinews, and bones remain,
though your blood and flesh dry up and wither away,
yet shall you meditate and not stir until you have attained full Enlightenment.
But, first, a little nosh.

8 comments:

jaime said...

In all seriousness, can a Jew incorporate Zen or Eastern philosophies into one's life? Of course there is always Yoga and Martial Arts, but what about meditation and just everyday living?

torontopearl said...

Jaime, good question. I know the answer is a partial yes, but I sought out the advice of someone more learned than I when it comes to knowledge of these things. A Simple Jew said to guide you to this link http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0805210377/002-5813081-4483240?v=glance&n=283155

Jewish Meditation: A Practical Guide by Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan.

Hope that helps.

Genendy said...

That was just too funny! My personal favorite is:

The Torah says," Love thy neighbor as thyself."
The Buddha says there is no "self."
So, maybe you are off the hook.

Thanks for the good laugh!

Sweettooth120 said...

I was thinking more about Buddahist and other Eastern religious meditations and philosophies, not specifically what is in the Torah. Thanks, though, for the reference.

Mia said...

They are hillarious! Where did you find them or did you make them up yourself? (oop sorry forgot there is no self....)

torontopearl said...

Thank you all for your comments.

Don't I WISH I made these up myself--no such luck. This came to me in an e-mail. But I myself found the picture on GOOGLE Images to accompany it!

David_on_the_Lake said...

VERY FUNNY.....Thanks

FrumGirl said...

I have begun to learn about Zen and am really appreciating it in the last couple of months. Thanks for the cute quotes... it made me laugh!