Wednesday, April 06, 2005

"The Thrill Is Gone...the Thrill Has Gone Away...."

Blogroll Me!

Mr. B.B. King, noted blues guitarist, made those lyrics famous quite a number of years ago. And I couldn't help but have them come to mind today in relation to blogging.

I discovered, without getting into details, that blogging and "virtual" personalities can get pretty ugly, just like in the real world. People can become very catty, downright mean for no real reason. Who am I, but a stranger forming an opinion, and having a preconception of a particular someone based on that someone's bright or smooth posts. Up until recently, it's been a positive POV I had, but lately, I just don't know what to think. I think I've had good reason to speak my mind and express some concern in a nice way, and once again it backfires...just like that grade school incident mentioned a few posts down.

I've sort of been left with a bad taste in my mouth, and like B.B. King sings, "The thrill is gone...."

Perhaps I just don't have much to say anymore -- after all, I did admit my world is pretty small -- or maybe it's just that perhaps whatever I choose to say might get shot down or attacked in an unkind way from a fellow blogger.

Up until now, my keeping a blog has reawakened my writing channels, giving me a much-needed creative exercise, opening my thought processes, as well. But today I felt pretty disillusioned because of this personal blogging incident.

Maybe it's time to sit back for a while from writing my own posts; maybe it's time I just haunt yours...


Chaim said...

NO! Don't leave, that would be sad. I know what you mean, since I started this blog a couple months ago, the love i had when i was younger for writing has exploded, maybe just take a short break, or only commit to one post a day. But don't leave you'll probably want to come back very soon. I think they're are lots of people who would be saddened by your departure from the scene.

PsychoToddler said...

I hear you, Pearl. I've been absolutely shocked at how a few negative comments can affect me. There are times when I just don't want to check my email. I'm afraid I won't be able to function at work.

But over time I've developed a thicker skin and it doesn't affect me as much anymore, so I think in the long term it's been beneficial for me.

Don't give up so quickly. You have a lot to offer and if you look at the big picture, you'll see the postives outweigh the negatives and other cliches.

Think of all the interesting people you've met through this process, and if it's made your life a little larger.

To heck with the trolls.

tuesdaywishes said...

I'm not surprised that your blogging honeymoon has ended. People are just the same online as they are in person, maybe a little less inhibited. There's a saying that "TV lets you be entertained in your living room by people you would never let into your house." Blogging lets you ... (i'm not clever enough to finish this)

Chaim said...

Im with PT, I say just like it roll off, I've so far felt that most bloggers have been very friendly and helpful. Next time you want to write a post, think of the nicer bloggers.

torontopearl said...

i'll just clarify a bit about my earlier post:

i saw what was happening in blogland on someone's blog, took it up with the "commenter" outside the blogging/comments arena, and my goodhearted attempts failed me.

people have not left nasty comments on my blog; they might've nastily commented on my comments on their post, but didn't extend themselves over which i'm grateful.

i am a peacekeeper by nature; i like balance and harmony (i'm a libra), and my world got just a tad askew with said blogger's recent comments, not that said blogger could or should care.

if said blogger reads this, said blogger might think i'm making a mountain out of a molehill...not really. because my perception is that said blogger might do to others what said blogger did to one person...and said to me in retort.

thank you for your positive feedback. if i worked in marketing/advertising, i might've said that my post was a trick, a great marketing ploy, to get hits and interest in my blog. NOT AT ALL. it was just me thinking aloud and thinking that my pearlies of wisdom might not be so pearly, after all, in blogland...

Josh said...

sad news, though i hear you loud 'n clear. lots of dissapointments going on in the jewish blog world...

negative comments tend to say more about their author than target, i think, so salt it well and please keep doing your part to "up the average".

Mirty said...

Hope you stick with it! {{{{hug}}}}

Doctor Bean said...

Pearl: (a) Don't let the turkeys get you down.

(b) do you want me and Psychotoddler to kill whoever it is and make it look like an accident?

M said...

You are an infinitely more experienced blogger than I and I don't know the details of your problem, so I feel inadequate to offer any advice. I just know that when I had difficulties on my own blog, it was very, very helpful to take a hiatus and gain some distance. I know several people, myself included, who read and enjoy your insights immensely.
I hope everything works out for the best,

Chaim said...

Hey Pearl, well, glad to see you got some love, now i hope you stick with it, also, i just wanted to hit your comments up to an even ten :-D

torontopearl said...

(Blogger: I had a lovely comment & you made me lose it...again!)

Thank you, all. You are great for the ego; the Pearlies of Wisdom fan club has some wonderful honorary members and I truly appreciate your vote of confidence.

Doctor Bean, maybe I'll give you the culprit's name and you can meet him in a virtually dark alleyway and do whatever it is you doctors do to patients who misbehave. But are you sure that PT wants to add his name to a potentially ugly and messy scene?

TuesdayWishes (BTW, one day I should ask you about that "handle"), I loved your analogy about the blogging honeymoon being over. I'm just so sorry I had to see a blogging counsellor -- or counsellors -- so soon into this marriage.

Josh, too much salt is no good for the heart, so I'll be conscious of how I use it.

Mirty, love that hug. And welcome to my blog.

Life-of-Rubin, you guided the love train onto the tracks and I say Todah Rabah, thanks, gracias, danke, merci.

And M, thanks for speaking so positively on behalf of yourself AND others.

PsychoToddler, yes, I have met some interesting, creative, bright-eyed, warm people through this creative outlet...including yourself!

I'll oil the mind wheels a bit, put them in motion and see what transpires.

And to the instigator of my negative vibes: surprisingly enough, I will continue to read your blog. After all, you are funny and smart, but with your displayed nastiness, those attributes seemed to have gotten pushed aside. But I should give you some benefit of the doubt that perhaps there was a reason to be unpleasant with me and a fellow blogger. But please, don't do it again.

Jack's Shack said...

if said blogger reads this, said blogger might think i'm making a mountain out of a molehill...not really. because my perception is that said blogger might do to others what said blogger did to one person...and said to me in retort.


Said blogger is me. And yes you are making a mountain out of a molehill. You inserted yourself in a situation in which your help was not asked for nor of any interest.

I am in contact offline with the other party in this little scenario you concocted. As I told you in the email the other party is not upset, laughed about a lot of this and is capable of telling me what their wishes are.

I find it obnoxious and disingenuous to spin this tale like this. I told you in the email the same thing that I wrote here. If it makes you feel better to lie about this then I suppose that is what you are going to do.

But you have an established history of being pushy. Do you remember this comment (
Jack--I personally and humbly don't think you should be throwing this question out into such a public forum.

See, there it is another example of you telling me what and how you think I should behave.

If you hadn't made such a big deal of this I never would have outed you. But if you want to play this pushy, know-it-all stuff you should expect strong responses.

In the end you need to ask yourself again whether someone asked you to speak for them. In this particular instance they did not and they were irritated with your behavior as am I.

Have a good Shabbos.

P.S. Doctor Bean, I strongly suggest you reconsider your offer, I know a man who makes chopped liver while carrying a sidearm. ;)

torontopearl said...

re. Public arena fighting:

Firstly, re. my comment on your post -- you did see that I said "humbly," and it was my response because I thought you were asking US what to do re. education, and would base your decision on what we said. I thought it ought to be a personal decision...or one discussed with closer family and friends.

Secondly, you said you outed me. But you really outed yourself, Jack. I didn't name you nor give hints of who else was involved. I was protecting your identity as a blogger, intentionally not wanting to point at finger at you because I know that you have many admirers and interested readers.

I do not lie if I can help it, and if I do, it's usually to protect someone, and that someone is usually a family member. I do not like, nor have I ever liked liars, and try not to make a place for them in my life. So I certainly have not been lying.

Yes, you did write to me, but never mentioned that the other party was seemingly NOT upset (you said if the person was upset they could deal with the matter themselves and let you know)with you, or laughing about it, nor did I discover that the person was irritated with me. On the contrary I was led to believe that my actions and words were appreciated by that person and the person agreed with my observations.

Communication and perception appear to be the key words in this scenario, along with a touch of good intentions. Too bad that all those areas were askew or lacking.

You've just helped to reinforce a valuable lesson: choose words wisely, choose how to use them and who to say them to. Because those words that were sent with heart often come back to stab you in the back.

Enough said.

Signed, (believe it or not) with some tears...

Jack's Shack said...

On the contrary I was led to believe that my actions and words were appreciated by that person and the person agreed with my observations.


torontopearl said...

Jack, I'm not selling tickets to this event for any blog readers. Let's stop with the comments; please e-mail me if necessary. But I'll warn you, for the most part I'd read and then deleted my messages with the other person, ie. their responses; I have some of my sent messages. Guess that means "the evidence" was destroyed...
You know, this got bigger than it was meant to be. You wrote to me, you stunned me into silence momentarily, and then I posted about it because of how it made me feel. I didn't once mention you by name or by distinguishing qualifiers so that readers would know you (except "smart and funny"), I do not like confrontations, and although our common readers might enjoy seeing us battle it out, I do not want to.
You made your point; I made mine. I learned some lessons while trying to teach some lessons.
Let's leave it at that, okay?

PsychoToddler said...

I'm not enjoying it. I like the both of you. I feel like a kid watching his parents fight.

Have to figure out why I keep coming back to look, though.

Jack's Shack said...


This is not a confrontation. It was never that serious to me. I ignored your first few remarks via email and the blog intentionally.

But you didn't catch the hint.

Let me make this more clear and this is not said with anger or malice. I speak to the other blogger, not write, but communicate by telephone.

I know exactly what their position is and to suggest that you have anything that says differently places me in a position in which I have to say that someone is not telling the truth.

Let me say that I don't think that you are intentionally distorting things, but it is clear that there was a misunderstanding.

Remember something, I had the password information for that blog because it was given to me.

That should tell you something.

I think that you are a nice lady and that your intentions were good, but that doesn't mean that they cannot lead to problems or misunderstandings.

And again, you made repeated efforts to get my attention. Don't cry now that you have it. It is unbecoming and this should not merit that much attention. It is really not that serious.

Have a good shabbos.

torontopearl said...

Sorry, Psychotoddler, and all our other kids out there, that you've had to see the folks fight.

Ask my TorontoPearl husband if I do, in fact, argue and fight, and he's likely to say no. I try to discuss items of interest/concern in a practical,logical and rational way; I do not like to fight. That's how much of a peacekeeper I truly am.

So, Jack, I'll reiterate. No more confrontations. Let's keep the home fires burning, "shalom bayit".

Good Shabbos to you and yours.

torontopearl said...

Jack, by the way, I posted my response to psychotoddler before I ever saw yours.
Yes, there certainly were miscommunications/misunderstandings/withheld information all around.
I'm closing the book on this now.

I will continue to read your blog, and if you allow me to still comment on it, I'll do so. If you don't want me to visit, tell me that, too.