Tuesday, August 16, 2005

R.S.V.P. ...not!

Blogroll Me!

Thought I was inviting you to some simcha, some gathering, some blogger festivities, huh? Sorry, nuh-uh... But I am inviting you to your opinions.

I'm in my 40's; I'm not in my late teens or twenties or thirties.

My parents are in their seventies and eighties, not in their fifties and sixties.

So, why, then, pray tell, do we continue to get wedding invitations that invite us to Kabbalat Panim, Chupah...and Simchat Chatan v'Kallah some five hours later?

Oh, yes, it's lovely to have a simcha, and want to share it with people, and of course, you can't invite everyone to partake in the festivities, but please...enough already.

I am a borderline acquaintance to you; you do not need to invite me; you might need the monetary gift for your children and this invitation/appeal is the cost of a postage stamp, or even better, a hand-delivered invitation. But the truth of the matter is that when you're married, with children who need babysitters, you're not gonna run home from work, get dressed for a chupah, rush to the shul or social hall, stay for a chupah and plan to go back in a few hours...to hand over the check.

My parents have friends from yesteryear who still have them in their address book. These friends' grandchildren get married, and the friends say, "Send an invitation to Mr. & Mrs. ____ for the chupah and simchat chatan v'kallah at 10:00." Yeah, like my parents really appreciate this nicety.

Over Shabbat lunch with friends we've had opportunity to discuss this matter and we're all voting the same: if you cannot afford to invite us forty- and fifty-somethings, don't, (can't talk for the twenty and thirty-somethings) but don't send a shout-out invite for the in-and-out celebrating. It just ain't worth it to us...!

Yes, we wish you a hearty mazel tov, and yes, we might send a gift when we hear that you're making a simcha, whether we're invited or not, but please...take us off the guest list...UNLESS IT'S FOR DINNER.

(and should we choose to attend your simcha, with the revolving door entry/exit, and give you a gift, find it in your heart -- and address book -- to send us a thank-you note...a nicety, just like the invitation was!)


cruisin-mom said...

Pearl, I would give my "almost 50" opinion, if I knew what you were talking about...for us goishe Jews...explain please!

torontopearl said...

Sorry for the oversight.

You get an invitation not for the familiar chupah and maybe kabbalat panim and bedekin (bride in a room with women, groom in a room with men reviewing the ketubah/marriage contract, guests dance groom in to cover bride's face with veil, father blesses bride; hors d'oeuvres are served throughout this reception aspect; a L'chaim is sipped)and dinner. You get an invitation for the kabbalat panim ceremony, the chupah...and then you come back later for the dessert/reception/entertaining of the bride and groom)
When I was single I was sometimes invited to a chupah and "reception only"-- it was fine then; it ain't fine now.
I sound horrible, like I don't want to entertain the bride and groom and share in a family's joy, but the reality is that it's rare that I'm close at all to the types of people who invite me to these "affairs"; I'd rather they not invite me.
And like I said, I'm not in the minority!
Hope that clarifies it for you a bit.

Air Time said...

The thirtsomethings aren't sticking around or coming back later either.

Essie said...

If you don't want to go, just don't go. Just because you are invited doesn't mean you have to give a gift.

PsychoToddler said...

I agree, it's obnoxious. Don't invite me. Heck, I hate weddings anyway. But if I'm going to the trouble of dressing up I want my rubber chicken.

cruisin-mom said...

Yeah, let's hear it for the rubber chicken!

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