* Without a vow. (Hebrew)
This is what people say when they make promises: "I will cut back on my blogging and will be more conscious of using my free time more wisely...bli neder." This is telling you that I will try my utmost (should no conflicting circumstances arise) to mean what I say and fulfill my promise.
I don't like to make promises as a rule just because I'm afraid that sometimes I'll be thrown a curve ball, and incidents beyond my control will prevent me from following through on the promise. I don't like to be deemed a liar and I also hate to disappoint people.
So generally I say, "I'll try to..." or to my children I won't give a definite answer sometimes, but will respond with "We'll see" or "I hope we can..."
I did make a promise once to cousins that I would take them to the zoo. I never forgot that promise and it slowly ate away at me, feeding off my guilt. Okay, so it turned out that fulfilling that promise took about 10 years, but at least I honored my word!
Now, as I look back on 2005 and think about my resolutions that I put down on my computer screen for all the world to see, I think, "Damn, I should've added 'bli neder' to every resolution!"
First there were health club issues, ie. I'd joined one in the fall of 2004 and by New Year's had only gone less than a dozen times. My goal was to make it part of my daily regimen. I FAILED!!!
* Follow through with what I set forth in motion, ie. querying publishers about picture-book manuscripts or poetry that I have written, requesting they view my work. I have been given the green light from several, but have not taken that next step. I should. Did I do this? Nah... I never followed up with those publishers who gave me a green light, nor did I pursue any other publishers.
* Keep writing personal essays, poetry, children's books. I should not just list the titles and ideas I have for creative pieces, but should actually breathe live into these projects. Um, yes, I wrote a few poems. My personal essays are my daily posts. And the ideas for creative pieces are still scribbled on small snippets of paper and scattered here at home or at work amidst my other work.
* Make time for me. The only time "for me" I honored was my computer time...and there was a lot of that!
* Make more time for my husband and children...and parents and siblings and their families. I wish I could say that I did that, but I didn't really. I didn't make more time, nor did I have more free time coming to me. In fact, there was less time, what with this blogging obsession of mine.
* Enjoy each moment to the best of my ability because time is fleeting. Okay, I've done well enough with this, while sometimes I even had to pretend I was enjoying the moment!
* Continue to strive to be the best person that I can be. Still striving...
* Continue to look for the good in the people around me, even if it's not so obvious. Sometimes it's tough to see the good, but I look really closely for it nonetheless.
* Continue to be thankful to Hashem for all that I am, all that I have and all that I can be. And I definitely still am!
Here's what I've been thinking... This year, I will announce my resolutions by adding "bli neder," "We'll see" and "I hope"!
Resolution: So I hope, bli neder, to try and fulfill 2005's resolutions in 2006 -- but we'll just have to wait and see if that happens.
Do you have any resolutions, aside from the obvious ones, that you've made for the coming year?