Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Last, but Not Least

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I just came home from a department store; I'd found out that they already had extended holiday hours and that they were open till 10:00. So after I'd helped my kids with reading and other schoolwork, and once they were in bed, I headed out to the store at 9:00 p.m.

Now I know there are some power shoppers out there who, no matter how little time they're allocated in a store, they walk out with bags and parcels galore. These shoppers probably know exactly what it is they want, they set their radar to find it and do their business quickly. I, on the other hand, like to dilly-dally. I like to browse, amble through the different departments and see if anything catches my eye.

But an hour does not make Pearl a shopper. It makes her a browser, a browser who, nine times out of ten, walks out of the store with nothing because she claims she didn't have enough time to really shop. I anticipate that voice over the loudspeaker: "Thank you for shopping with us today. The store will be closing in a half hour." And I pseudo-shop some more. Fifteen minutes pass. "Thank you for shopping with us today. The store will be closing in fifteen minutes." And I browse some more. "It is 10 o'clock and the store is now closed. Please bring your final purchases to the checkout. Thank you and goodnight." At this point, I'm still browsing. There are lineups at the cashiers, so I figure that I still have time to maybe find something after all. I go up and down aisles for about five minutes until a store clerk notices me and says, "The store is already closed." "Oh," I say. "I was just browsing." And I leave the store empty-handed, but thrilled that I wield the power to be the final shopper, a pioneer in the final shopping frontier...

A Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss

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Driving in to work today, I was fiddling with the radio dial to find some music I liked ( so many of my blog posts start that way, it seems). I stopped when I heard a classic Rolling Stones song.

Okay, I like some of their classic songs, and yes, they manage to put Toronto back on the map every couple of years before they start a new tour, and yes, they are rather talented for having passed through several decades of music while still remaining on top of the charts.

But I cannot stand to look at these guys...these 60+ year-old hipsters who still shake their butts and fly across the stage and live hard. Guys, haven't you heard? It's time to sit back, relax and let those old age pension checks roll in. You should not be doing what you're doing...even if you've still "got it," doesn't mean you have to "use it!"

As I drove in, I was mentally telling Mick Jagger to: "Check out a retirement village, start playing bridge or cribbage with the boys in the band, head out to the all-you-can-eat dinner buffets that feature a 4:30 p.m. early bird special, have a glass of warm milk and catch up on your Reader's Digest reading before going to bed at 10 p.m. Mick could organize the retirement village's talent shows once a month, and also teach dancing between his games of shuffleboard and weekly outings to the jai alai games. (did I mention the retirement village is in Boca Raton, Florida?)

I think Stephen Tyler from Aerosmith could maybe check out the same facilities for his planned retirement (if I have anything to do with it) in the near future. Maybe he and Mick could even room together.

See, I think Mick took these lyrics to heart:

"If you start me up
If you start me up
I’ll never stop..."

Please, somebody, make him stop!!!!