Monday, April 04, 2011

I See You...but I Don't Hear You

You know that familiar mother stance: hands on hips, foot tapping impatiently...?

This little blog of mine has been doing just that -- waiting and wondering when I'd next make an appearance. Do I tell blog that I walk around formulating little scripts in my head for blog purposes only, then scrap those scripts, opting instead for silence? (Didn't someone once say that silence is golden?)

Same old, same old. Do I have something important to say? Might I offend someone with my words, or cast myself in a negative light?

Should I tell blog that I reluctantly did a poetry reading a few weeks back -- one of only a handful I've ever done -- reading a winning poem and then a couple others I'd written in the past year? Should I tell blog that one of those poems made an audience member cry when they heard it, and that thrilled me? Now blog -- and its readers -- will think me to be a masochist. But no, not so. To hear that someone is moved to tears by my words actually can move me to tears, as it's the greatest compliment you can pay me. Should I tell blog that although I was first reluctant to travel to this Open Mic night, I now want to attend each and every Open Mic night, stand in the spotlight and hear the applause and whispered smiles of my viewers and listeners?

Maybe I should tell blog that I went to a party not too long ago and found that a lot of the party guests were simply F**KED UP. That's how I perceived them after I moved, mingled and conversed. And I am known to be a fairly good judge of character. How did they see me? I wonder.

Does blog have to know that G-d willing there will be an upcoming simcha in our family: a first grandchild getting married in the not-too-distant future.  Hearty mazel tov wishes float her way and I simply anticipate...

Should blog be told that here I sit in the rec room, typing away, with the Pesach kitchen beside me, beckoning to me. I've tried to ignore its calls, but how much longer can I? It warns that it needs a clean sweep and that Passover is in two weeks. My computer screen beckons too, and I turn my back on the kitchen.

Can blog be relied upon to not be too jealous when told I hang out more with Facebook these days? Sometimes I think that the word "blah" is inherent in the word "blog" and that Facebook has more pizazz, being "in your face" and all.

There is much competition in blog land and blog hasn't sensed that yet, so blog mainly opts for that golden silence.

Sometimes that just has to be enough.