Here are the responses:
1. Twinkle, twinkle, little star.
2. Birds of a feather flock together.
3. Look before you leap.
4. Beauty is only skin deep.
5. No use crying over spilled milk.
6. Cleanliness is next to Godliness.
7. The pen is mightier than the sword.
8. You cannot teach an old dog new tricks.
9. Spare the rod and spoil the child.
10. A watched pot never boils.
11. All that glitters is not gold.
12. Where there's smoke, there's fire.
13. Beggars can't be choosers.
14. Too many cooks spoil the broth.
15. Charity begins at home.
16. Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
17. Beginner's luck.
18. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
19. A rolling stone gathers no moss.
20. Close your mouth while chewing.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Elie Is One Smart Cookie...
In my quiz post yesterday, I wrote that Elie and Miriam would no doubt enjoy this brain quiz -- assuming, of course, that Elieand Miriam would read the post...assuming, of course, that Elie and Miriam read my blog pretty regularly...
Well, a resounding yes....at least about Elie. (I haven't heard from Miriam re. the quiz.) He reads my blog. He read that post. He enjoyed the quiz.
However, since his system does not allow him to comment on posts anymore, he sent me his responses. I think they're worthy of their own post. I am certainly impressed. After all, as this post title says, "Elie Is One Smart Cookie." My next post will have the answers; you can see for yourself just how Mensa-like Elie is.
Here are Elie's answers:
1. Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minikin.
Twinkle, twinkle little star
2. Members of an avian species of identical plumage congregate.
Birds of a feather flock together
3. Surveillance should precede saltation.
Look before you leap
4. Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.
Beauty is only skin deep
5. It is fruitless to become lachrymose over precipitately departed lacteal fluid.
Don't cry over spilled milk
6. Freedom from encrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.
Cleanliness is next to godliness
7. The stylus is more potent than the claymore.
The pen is mightier than the sword
8. It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative manoeuvers.
You can't teach an old dog new tricks
9. Eschew the implementation of correction and vitiate the scion.
Spare the rod, spoil the child
10. The temperature of the aqueous content of an unremittingly observed saucepan does not reach 212 degrees Fahrenheit.
A watched pot never boils
11. All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.
All that glitters is not gold
12. Where there are visible vapours having their prevalence in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.
Where there's smoke, there's fire
13. Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.
Beggers can't be choosers
14. A plethora of individuals with expertise in culinary techniques vitiates the potable concoction produced by steeping certain comestibles.
Too many cooks spoil the broth
15. Eleemosynary deeds have their incipience intramurally.
Charity begins at home
16. Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting petrous projectiles.
People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones
17. Neophyte's serendipity.
Beginner's luck
18. Exclusive dedication to laborious enterprise without interlude of enjoyable diversion renders John a tedious fellow.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
19. A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries of a small green bryophytic plant.
A rolling stone gathers no moss
20. It behooves the garrulous to render impenetrable the buccal orifice during mastication.
Chew with your mouth closed
Well, a resounding yes....at least about Elie. (I haven't heard from Miriam re. the quiz.) He reads my blog. He read that post. He enjoyed the quiz.
However, since his system does not allow him to comment on posts anymore, he sent me his responses. I think they're worthy of their own post. I am certainly impressed. After all, as this post title says, "Elie Is One Smart Cookie." My next post will have the answers; you can see for yourself just how Mensa-like Elie is.
Here are Elie's answers:
1. Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minikin.
Twinkle, twinkle little star
2. Members of an avian species of identical plumage congregate.
Birds of a feather flock together
3. Surveillance should precede saltation.
Look before you leap
4. Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.
Beauty is only skin deep
5. It is fruitless to become lachrymose over precipitately departed lacteal fluid.
Don't cry over spilled milk
6. Freedom from encrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.
Cleanliness is next to godliness
7. The stylus is more potent than the claymore.
The pen is mightier than the sword
8. It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative manoeuvers.
You can't teach an old dog new tricks
9. Eschew the implementation of correction and vitiate the scion.
Spare the rod, spoil the child
10. The temperature of the aqueous content of an unremittingly observed saucepan does not reach 212 degrees Fahrenheit.
A watched pot never boils
11. All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.
All that glitters is not gold
12. Where there are visible vapours having their prevalence in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.
Where there's smoke, there's fire
13. Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.
Beggers can't be choosers
14. A plethora of individuals with expertise in culinary techniques vitiates the potable concoction produced by steeping certain comestibles.
Too many cooks spoil the broth
15. Eleemosynary deeds have their incipience intramurally.
Charity begins at home
16. Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting petrous projectiles.
People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones
17. Neophyte's serendipity.
Beginner's luck
18. Exclusive dedication to laborious enterprise without interlude of enjoyable diversion renders John a tedious fellow.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
19. A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries of a small green bryophytic plant.
A rolling stone gathers no moss
20. It behooves the garrulous to render impenetrable the buccal orifice during mastication.
Chew with your mouth closed
Monday, June 11, 2007
DogGONE It!
Spotted this amusing bit today on Reuters:
Bangkok:
Two Thai street mutts who became ace sniffer dogs at an airport near the notorious “Golden Triangle” opium-producing region have been fired for urinating on luggage and ‘sexually harassing’ female passengers. The pair, Mok and Lai, had been plucked from obscurity under a programme initiated by King Bhumibol Adulyadej to turn strays into police dogs, the Bangkok Post said on Sunday.
Mok, eight, and Lai, six, were welcomed by Chiang Rai police when the pair, local breeds, were sent to help them at the northern international airport. Authorities needed well-trained sniffer dogs to prevent any attempts by passengers to smuggle illegal drugs into the country. Mok and Lai became instant favourites. They obeyed the rules and did not make any serious mistakes. They won praise from police for their work in sniffing out drugs at northern Thailand’s Chiang Rai airport, near the border with Laos and Myanmar, but many passengers kept complaining about their behaviour.
They made some small errors — and that was enough to get them barred. Mok’s former handler Police Lieutenant Colonel Jakapop Kamhom said, “Mok liked to pee on luggage while searching for drugs inside. He also liked to hold on to women’s legs,” he added.“Both were just as good as foreign dogs trained for use in drug missions,” he added. “But they were stray dogs, so their manners were not as good as those of foreign breeds.”
Mok and Lai now work on a farm, herding chickens and pigs, the paper said.
Say What????
This came in an email.
See if you can translate these well-known clichés and proverbs. Answers will be provided tomorrow perhaps.
(Elie, Miriam: I think you both will enjoy this brain quiz.)
1. Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minikin.
2. Members of an avian species of identical plumage congregate.
3. Surveillance should precede saltation.
4. Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.
5. It is fruitless to become lachrymose over precipitately departed lacteal fluid.
6. Freedom from encrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.
7. The stylus is more potent than the claymore.
8. It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative manoeuvers.
9. Eschew the implementation of correction and vitiate the scion.
10. The temperature of the aqueous content of an unremittingly observed saucepan does not reach 212 degrees Fahrenheit.
11. All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.
12. Where there are visible vapours having their prevalence in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.
13. Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.
14. A plethora of individuals with expertise in culinary techniques vitiates the potable concoction produced by steeping certain comestibles.
15. Eleemosynary deeds have their incipience intramurally.
16. Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting petrous projectiles.
17. Neophyte's serendipity.
18. Exclusive dedication to laborious enterprise without interlude of enjoyable diversion renders John a tedious fellow.
19. A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries of a small green bryophytic plant.
20. It behooves the garrulous to render impenetrable the buccal orifice during mastication.
See if you can translate these well-known clichés and proverbs. Answers will be provided tomorrow perhaps.
(Elie, Miriam: I think you both will enjoy this brain quiz.)
1. Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minikin.
2. Members of an avian species of identical plumage congregate.
3. Surveillance should precede saltation.
4. Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.
5. It is fruitless to become lachrymose over precipitately departed lacteal fluid.
6. Freedom from encrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.
7. The stylus is more potent than the claymore.
8. It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative manoeuvers.
9. Eschew the implementation of correction and vitiate the scion.
10. The temperature of the aqueous content of an unremittingly observed saucepan does not reach 212 degrees Fahrenheit.
11. All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.
12. Where there are visible vapours having their prevalence in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.
13. Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.
14. A plethora of individuals with expertise in culinary techniques vitiates the potable concoction produced by steeping certain comestibles.
15. Eleemosynary deeds have their incipience intramurally.
16. Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting petrous projectiles.
17. Neophyte's serendipity.
18. Exclusive dedication to laborious enterprise without interlude of enjoyable diversion renders John a tedious fellow.
19. A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries of a small green bryophytic plant.
20. It behooves the garrulous to render impenetrable the buccal orifice during mastication.
Who Is Rich?
Who is rich?
* He* who goes to a community fund-raiser for a school whose students have physical and mental challenges, and thanks G-d that his children do not need the school's services.
* He who walks through the lobby of a children's hospital and thanks G-d that his children are not patients there.
* He who realizes that it's not always dollars that make "sense"!
* He who understands that praise is a gift, and shares that gift.
* He who puts family before self.
* He who makes a house a home.
* He who instills a "value" system in each of his children.
* He who makes strangers feel like longtime friends.
* He who gives more than he takes.
* He who believes that the pursuit of learning and studying is a lifelong adventure.
* He who thanks G-d for all that he is and all that he already has.
_______________________________________
He* can also mean she.
* He* who goes to a community fund-raiser for a school whose students have physical and mental challenges, and thanks G-d that his children do not need the school's services.
* He who walks through the lobby of a children's hospital and thanks G-d that his children are not patients there.
* He who realizes that it's not always dollars that make "sense"!
* He who understands that praise is a gift, and shares that gift.
* He who puts family before self.
* He who makes a house a home.
* He who instills a "value" system in each of his children.
* He who makes strangers feel like longtime friends.
* He who gives more than he takes.
* He who believes that the pursuit of learning and studying is a lifelong adventure.
* He who thanks G-d for all that he is and all that he already has.
_______________________________________
He* can also mean she.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Auto Observations
This is a SMART car. However, to me, this car looks so dumb!As I passed one today in a driveway, I thought: "How can anyone take this car seriously?"
Whenever I pass one, I announce to my kids in the back seat, or say to myself, "There goes a putt-putt." That's what I call them. Or I call them glorified golfing carts.
I laugh silently -- or aloud -- when I see one. I, for one, cannot take them seriously. They are cute, they are chichi, they are an attraction...but they look like too much of a novelty.
What's interesting for me -- especially after posting this -- is that the logo for the model is: "open your mind" (TM)
So open your mind, get a SMART car, and zip around the city in it...instead of on the golf course!
**************************************
I was driving in my neighborhood this morning and passed a car with something hanging from the central mirror.
It made me laugh to myself.
No. It wasn't a pair of fuzzy dice.
No. It wasn't a pair of baby shoes.
No. It wasn't a Beanie Baby. (tm)
No. It wasn't a Tefillat Haderech. (Traveler's prayer)
(DRUMROLL PLEASE.)
It was a huge chai.
The kind of chai you'd imagine spoofed on an episode of Saturday Night Live. With some depiction of an old Jewish guy or a young, supposedly cool Jewish guy, wearing a more-than-oversized chai like this, hanging down to his pupik!
The car was a sedan. Thank G-d it wasn't a SMART car. Then I would have had two reasons to laugh!!
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Guard Your Tongue!!
Shmiras Halashon [guarding of one's tongue] is a pretty popular concept. So popular, in fact, that societies advocating it have risen up in many communities. Books talk about it, lectures discuss the concept, and people...? Shhh...not supposed to talk about it -- might be deemed gossip!
A few years back when a formal group was created in Toronto, a group whose aim was to teach about avoiding gossip, slander, idle talk, a girlfriend and I were talking about this group. Nothing bad, you understand, just talking.
She said that someone had gotten up in her shul to talk about the group and said that everyone should dedicate at least one hour a day to being aware of what one says and avoiding lashon harah. My girlfriend decided that 3 a.m. worked good for her!
In any case, I don't need a society to realize that gossip and slander are negative; I was raised to be aware not to talk idly or evil about people and things. But sometimes there is a thin line: am I talking lashon harah, or is it just positive criticism?
This evening I was laughing to myself when I came across this ad in a little magazine meant primarily for Toronto's Orthodox community:
Need place cards for your simcha? We have place cards that include 2-4 line poems to encourage Shmiras Halashon at a simcha...
At a simcha of all places! When you want to critique or discuss the groom's side of the family, or the bride's gown, the music, the decor...and most importantly...the FOOD!! No discussing, no hinting at, no passing references?
I'm guessing that some guests and members of the wedding party, or the bar mitzvah boy's family and friends are doomed.
Perhaps blogging is truly a form of lashon harah. I don't want to be a part of lashon harah. So I guess I just have to stop blogging....NOT!!! Thought I was serious, huh?
The message of this post is think before you write, think before you speak...and if need be, remember that more often than not, "Silence is golden."
A few years back when a formal group was created in Toronto, a group whose aim was to teach about avoiding gossip, slander, idle talk, a girlfriend and I were talking about this group. Nothing bad, you understand, just talking.
She said that someone had gotten up in her shul to talk about the group and said that everyone should dedicate at least one hour a day to being aware of what one says and avoiding lashon harah. My girlfriend decided that 3 a.m. worked good for her!
In any case, I don't need a society to realize that gossip and slander are negative; I was raised to be aware not to talk idly or evil about people and things. But sometimes there is a thin line: am I talking lashon harah, or is it just positive criticism?
This evening I was laughing to myself when I came across this ad in a little magazine meant primarily for Toronto's Orthodox community:
Need place cards for your simcha? We have place cards that include 2-4 line poems to encourage Shmiras Halashon at a simcha...
At a simcha of all places! When you want to critique or discuss the groom's side of the family, or the bride's gown, the music, the decor...and most importantly...the FOOD!! No discussing, no hinting at, no passing references?
I'm guessing that some guests and members of the wedding party, or the bar mitzvah boy's family and friends are doomed.
Perhaps blogging is truly a form of lashon harah. I don't want to be a part of lashon harah. So I guess I just have to stop blogging....NOT!!! Thought I was serious, huh?
The message of this post is think before you write, think before you speak...and if need be, remember that more often than not, "Silence is golden."
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Monday, June 04, 2007
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Simple and Funny...Simply Funny
Rabbi Neil Fleischmann of NY's Funniest Rabbi wrote a one-liner that made me break out into a wide smile when I read it, and made a friend break out laughing when I told it to her over the phone, even though I didn't repeat it correctly. (I'm not too good at repeating jokes; I'm much funnier when I'm spontaneous...and cynical and sarcastic.)
I hoped as I read the joke that it was original, because I wanted to be able to attribute it to him.
Phew, it is original. And I have the good rabbi's permission to share the joke with you. Thank you.
Neil is pretty eclectic: he teaches full-time, he is rabbi in residence for senior camps held over Passover and other chagim, he is an actor -- doing comedy, drama and improv, he is a writer & poet. He is all-around nice and well-liked guy who manages to capture a lot of the world around him in the words of his drashot (sermons), his blog posts and his occasional photos.
Check out his blog. I've been doing so for well over two years...and happily so.
I hoped as I read the joke that it was original, because I wanted to be able to attribute it to him.
Phew, it is original. And I have the good rabbi's permission to share the joke with you. Thank you.
Neil is pretty eclectic: he teaches full-time, he is rabbi in residence for senior camps held over Passover and other chagim, he is an actor -- doing comedy, drama and improv, he is a writer & poet. He is all-around nice and well-liked guy who manages to capture a lot of the world around him in the words of his drashot (sermons), his blog posts and his occasional photos.
Check out his blog. I've been doing so for well over two years...and happily so.
I knew I'd
gained weight when I asked the shadchan for a name and she said Jenny Craig.
Graphic...Novel
I just finished reading this book today; it's a graphic novel...a comic book for adults, if you so please!
I love Klezmer music and this presented a wonderful view of that genre...in a slightly warped way.
Apparently, the book was originally published in French and translated to English. It's a wonderful visual trip with the artwork that comes alive and characters who come alive through their lines!
Klezmer is Book 1 in a proposed series, and I look forward to following the adventures in subsequent books.
I love reading yet I also lost the capability to read as I used to...I find it hard to sit and allow myself to read, and usually read small items, along the lines of short stories or magazine articles. (this comes mainly from the fact that I worked in publishing for years and years, reading manuscripts, and the fact that I majored in English. I have no "setzfleisch" for reading) Thus this genre -- of graphic novel -- is perfect for me.
Next up, I have a copy of Neil Kleid's Brownsville to read, which I first read about on Seraphic Secret.
When you think about it, graphic novels have been around, but we just might have not "noticed" them: TinTin, for example. But now, one certainly does notice them; I go into the mega-size bookstores and find entire sections cordoned off as Graphic Novels, both in the youth/teen section and adult sections.
It's an easy, quick format of reading, being entertained and getting informed...all at the same time.
Hmmm...graphic novels.... I know I can write, but if I could only draw....
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
A Simple Explanation Will Do
Could someone please tell me why...
...the no-name soap pad I've just started smells like a barnyard?
Does that mean that brand-name scouring pads smell like a garden of lilies and irises?
Hey, come to think of it, I think steel wool also smells gross. What's up with that?
...the no-name soap pad I've just started smells like a barnyard?
Does that mean that brand-name scouring pads smell like a garden of lilies and irises?
Hey, come to think of it, I think steel wool also smells gross. What's up with that?
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
If You Play Your Cards Right...
Late last night I watched this film. The Hebrew title is "Afula Express" but in English, it was renamed to "Pick a Card." Both titles work extremely well for the storyline, but for the English-speaking audiences the latter name is more appropriate.
As I sat and watched, I was bothered because I just KNEW that the lead actress was familiar to me, but I couldn't recall where I'd seen her before -- I don't watch Israeli films all that often and I didn't think she was anything but an Israeli. And then it hit me; I'd seen her in this film that I'd talked about in a previous post.
People tell me I'm pretty fluent in Hebrew, but nonetheless I read the English subtitles. And subtitling is a funny genre in itself. Often what the characters said in Hebrew was translated much harsher in English, throwing in "Hell" and other curse words...for effect, I guess.
The film won several awards and no doubt, rightfully so.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Everyone Has a Story To Tell
I just finished watching this film that I'd taken out from the library. "Almost Peaceful" is in French, with English subtitles. It is not by any means a great film, but it is a sensitive one that deals with Parisians, primarily Jews, after World War II, and how they come to terms with how the war has changed them, changed their personal reality.
It is nice to know that someone came up with a concept like this and with a screenplay such as this one. "The survivor" deserves another look, and gets one in this film.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Life's Funny that Way
My last post was a shout-out to blogland -- to the people whose blogs I read and to the people who read my blog. It was a virtual thank-you for doing what you do, being who you are...and ultimately letting me be who I am.
I was just reviewing my roster of posts to see what kind of posts I was writing around this time in May 2006 and May 2005. And I found this post written nearly to the date that I wrote my post this past Friday, May 18th. And then I found this post written nearly to the date that I wrote my post this past Friday, May 18th.
It certainly has not been a conscious decision to write every mid-May about my fellow bloggers, to thank them and acknowledge their presence (and in some cases -- presents!) in my life.
I wonder what it is about this time of year that has me doing this... (cue "Twilight Zone" theme song). Some people, who have more than one child, give birth to their children around the same time in different years. Is it that sort of phenomenon?
In any case, if I'm still blogging next May, keep an eye open for another shout-out.
*****
And by the way, my shout-out from last year has reference to blogger Ten Li Koach. I just wanted you all to kvell and know that she has other reasons now to request Ten Li Koach (give me strength): she was blessed, giving birth to a beautiful and healthy baby daughter a few weeks ago. Pu, Pu, Pu. Wish her a hearty mazel tov.
Blogging has exposed me to life, death, simchas and sadness. I've ridden an emotional rollercoaster along with many bloggers whose heartfelt emotions come through their words.
To write that way is a gift. To read the words is also a gift.
I was just reviewing my roster of posts to see what kind of posts I was writing around this time in May 2006 and May 2005. And I found this post written nearly to the date that I wrote my post this past Friday, May 18th. And then I found this post written nearly to the date that I wrote my post this past Friday, May 18th.
It certainly has not been a conscious decision to write every mid-May about my fellow bloggers, to thank them and acknowledge their presence (and in some cases -- presents!) in my life.
I wonder what it is about this time of year that has me doing this... (cue "Twilight Zone" theme song). Some people, who have more than one child, give birth to their children around the same time in different years. Is it that sort of phenomenon?
In any case, if I'm still blogging next May, keep an eye open for another shout-out.
*****
And by the way, my shout-out from last year has reference to blogger Ten Li Koach. I just wanted you all to kvell and know that she has other reasons now to request Ten Li Koach (give me strength): she was blessed, giving birth to a beautiful and healthy baby daughter a few weeks ago. Pu, Pu, Pu. Wish her a hearty mazel tov.
Blogging has exposed me to life, death, simchas and sadness. I've ridden an emotional rollercoaster along with many bloggers whose heartfelt emotions come through their words.
To write that way is a gift. To read the words is also a gift.
Friday, May 18, 2007
A Shout-Out to Blogland
I first found myself in the blogosphere in October 2004, when I discovered Seraphic Secret...and boy, am I glad I did. Learning about Robert's family's ordeal and great loss opened my eyes to someone's personal story made public.
I'd scan Robert's list of favorite blogs too and began to read some of them, too. That's how I discovered Treppenwitz, and A Simple Jew. And from those blogs I discovered Jack's Shack, PsychoToddler, Kerckhoff Coffeehouse, NY's Funniest Rabbi, Mirty, Elie's Expositions, Life of Rubin and several others.
And in December 2004, I took the plunge and became a blogger too. And eventually, I had three blogging gigs. Okay, I've let up on the other two quite a bit, but I still have access to them.
I began to write posts, and continued to read others', finding new blogs on other peoples' blogrolls. I came upon some fabulous blogs later in my blogging career -- Jew Eat Yet?, Citizen of the Month, Ezzie, Oriyenta, OldOldLadyoftheHills, Shalom from Jerusalem, to name but a few -- just by reading others' blogrolls.
I don't update my blogroll too often because even if I don't read someone regularly anymore, I take a peek every now and again to see how and what they're doing in their life and in their blogging corner.
So this post is just meant to be a shout-out to bloggers whose paths have crossed mine -- both in real time and virtually. You don't realize how big or small an impact you've made on my life, but you truly have. With your words on your blog, and sometimes in my comments, you've made me laugh, cry, think, understand or question. Sometimes we've even taken our comments offline and into our email InBox.
And you've made me write, and write, and write....
Thank you. Todah rabah. Merci. Gracias. Danke.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Smile of the Day
Perhaps you've heard the one about the new couple in town - the wife wants to go to the sisterhood dinner, but it costs $200 a ticket and they don't have the cash. So she gets herself nicely done up and goes out for the evening.
The next morning, bleary-eyed, she happily tells her husband that she raised the money herself for the ticket.
"How?" he asks.
She replies, "Well, I'm still a beautiful woman, and..."
"So how much did you earn?" he asks.
"Two hundred and two dollars," she replies.
"What cheapskate gave you the two dollars?" he asks.
"They all did!"
The next morning, bleary-eyed, she happily tells her husband that she raised the money herself for the ticket.
"How?" he asks.
She replies, "Well, I'm still a beautiful woman, and..."
"So how much did you earn?" he asks.
"Two hundred and two dollars," she replies.
"What cheapskate gave you the two dollars?" he asks.
"They all did!"
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
The Phone Call
The following post might bother some people, because they might suddenly have a different impression of me.
What can I say?
I'm me. And I do what I have to do. I did what I felt I had to do. Wanted to do.
And this blog is my confessional box, and this post is serving as my confession.
Last Friday night, we made early Shabbos -- our shul davens early, and my husband came home early. We sang "Shalom Aleichem" and my husband had just finished singing "Aishet Chayil." I told him that although we always made kiddush and bentched while growing up, we didn't do Aishet Chayil and not even Shalom Aleichem. We had a step in Orthodoxy but most of the time I guess we were in Conservative Judaism.
Just after I made this statement, the telephone rang. Nobody of real importance to us calls us on Shabbos because people who know us know we're observant and wouldn't answer, but my husband looked over at the call display and saw my parents' name and phone number and announced it with a questioning tone to his voice.
We'd both spoken to my parents before Shabbos and they would not use the phone, (times have changed in their household) and especially not to call us...unless it was an emergency.
When Pesach rolled around, my husband had decided to forward our home phone calls to his cell phone, so as not be bothered by ringing house lines on Yom Tov or Shabbos. But we'd told my mother if there was ever an issue, to call my cell phone number (I rarely get calls on it anyhow)and I'd leave it on over Shabbos and Yom Tov. I'd hoped that phone would never ring at those times...
But my husband hadn't forwarded the house calls to his cell this Shabbos, and now on the landline was my parents' phone number facing us. And why on the landline and not on my cell phone?
I asked, "What do I do?"
I was told to answer it, and I heard a distressed and panicked voice when I picked up the receiver: "WE'RE GOING TO NY GENERAL. HE'S HAD A STROKE AND A SEIZURE!"
Oh. My. G-d.
You cannot imagine what went through my head at that moment. I didn't know what to do. What to say.
I tried to shut my mind down. And I held myself in check as my husband made kiddush, blessed my youngest son (my other two were staying with friends over Shabbos), washed and made ha-motzei. I allowed myself to eat some fish and soup...and then I said: "I HAVE TO GO THERE!"
I knew it was not right to break Shabbos -- by answering the phone and by going to the hospital -- but this time I thought it was the end. A year ago, March, I was called and told my father had been rushed to emergency, and when I got there, he was in a catatonic-looking state. They'd thought he'd suffered a massive stroke, and there were no reactions, just a waxy look to his face, staring at nothingness. At that time he spent 3 1/2 weeks in hospital. Just two months ago, he came home from spending 3 months in hospital.
I silently asked Hashem to forgive me, and my husband gave me a Tehillim. I panicked and said: "I don't even know what I'd read in it." (sad, but true. My father reads Tehillim daily, and has for years, and his daughter doesn't even know where to find her way in it, ie. what to read when.) But I thought I needed something/anything to hang on to.
I rushed off....
When I got to the hospital emergency area, my father was lying on the gurney he'd been brought in on, oxygen mask on, but he was cognizant. He was talking through the mask, telling my brother -- whose Shabbos had also been "disturbed" -- to go home. And my mother said a few times, "I shouldn't have called you."
Yes, you should have, Mom. Nobody deserves to face these trials on their own. This is my father, you are my mother, and we are a family.
To make a long story short-- my father probably did not suffer a stroke, although even the paramedics had first thought he did, as did the attending emergency room doctor. But he did have a very lengthy seizure, as he sat in his chair at the dining room table, prepared to bentsch. The after-effects of a seizure often mimic strokes: tiredness, general weakness, slurred speech, confusion, etc.
My father was in the hospital, admitted in the early hours of Shabbos morning, and poked, prodded, tested, X-rayed, questioned over the course of the next few days. Thank G-d he didn't suffer any more seizures, nor did that "grand mal" one have truly lingering effects. His medications have been reassessed, and he was given his walking papers. I'd love to be able to add: "and a clean bill of health" but we know that's not the case.
He was released today, Yom Yerushalayim, a celebration for Jews the world over, and a celebratory day for us.
My Shabbos could have turned out so very differently. I have a very vivid imagination, and I can also be very realistic. I thank G-d that my father is still among the living.
It pains me to know that perhaps I was selfish last Shabbos. I needed to answer the phone. I needed to go to the hospital. I needed to know exactly what had landed my father in an ambulance and emergency room, and see him for myself. I made the judgment call that it was okay to break Shabbos at a time like this; I deemed it an offshoot of Pikuach Nefesh. G-d forbid anything should happen to my father in the next several hours, my mother would need me.
As I traveled to and from the hospital, I felt guilty. There are people so much more religious and pious than I am, and I figured that they would not take it upon themselves to do what I had done and was doing. I wondered about a friend whose child was incredibly sick for lengthy periods of time and eventually succumbed to an early, untimely death. Had he ever broken Shabbos because he felt it to be a dire, critical situation at the time?
And you shouldn't know, but just a week earlier, someone I know lost her mother Shabbos morning. Her mother passed away in her house. The daughter was there with her brothers...and apparently did not do anything until after Shabbos was out, ie. calling the authorities and chevra kaddisha. Halachically, was this correct? She is very frum, and I know she was in limbo, not yet formally deemed in avelut, and it was Shabbos. But should she have and could she have broken Shabbos to make the necessary phone calls? (any knowledgeable people out there with the answer?)
But as I traveled, I thought of these people who honored Shabbos above all else. Perhaps in my case, it was the continued honor of Kibbud Av v'Em (Honor Thy Father and Mother) that was foremost. That has sustained me throughout my life and has been at the helm of the house I grew up in...along with Shmirat ha-Lashon. (guarding of the tongue against lashon hara/bad talk/gossip.)
Last Friday night, close to midnight, my father and mother urged me to go home. My father's words to me were: "Have a good Shabbos."
And on Motzei Shabbos, I was able to speak to him on the phone, and my father's words to me were: "Have a happy Mother's Day."
Dad, each week that you're "here," I can have a good Shabbos, and each day that you're "here" is a wonderful Mother's Day for me.
We should wish each other a Good Shabbos each week, and may you be around to wish me many more happy Mother's Days!
Music to My Ears
This is an interior of a music box, the Swiss movement, so to speak.
This is more or less what my music box looks like on the outside.I often get flashbacks... and sometimes not even by association. Sometimes I get random flashbacks. Just. Like. That.
And I had one before.
I suddenly recalled when I was about 12 years old and being in Switzerland with my mother, traveling for two to three weeks to large cities, to small cities and to mountain towns. And on that visit, I was told that I could buy a music box.
And so began my hunt for the perfect music box. The perfect song. The perfect price range.
I lifted the lids of oh so many boxes that cost a certain number of acceptable Swiss francs. I heard Brahms Lullaby, Love Story, Fur Elise, Edelweiss -- over and over again.
Yes, they were lovely songs to hear a music box emit, but what did I settle on?
"Oh, What a Beautiful Morning" -- the tune from OKLAHOMA.
I guess even my twelve-year-old self recognized even then that Broadway showtunes rang supreme.
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